Heather: We found the photo. Sorry. Here you are so cute and fresh-faced. You got your top knot on and your twist-them-up pearls (oh, how fondly we remember that trend) and the world is just your little oyster. Looking at it from this perspective, we don't think your future is SO bad (at least you got rich). Even though it includes a bad break-up with a pot-bellied rock star, you did land David Spade, voted the Class of 1976's Most Likely Not to Get Laid Unless He Becomes Famous. At least he became famous!
(Readers: Yes, those are your Granny's clip-ons)

